What bullying does.
Today is a great day because I get to tell a story that I have wanted to talk about for a long time.
When I was a little girl, I was severely bullied not only by my step-mother, but also by girls at school, a teacher and the bullying continued at home when I was called and ridiculed on the phone.
I kept the bullying a secret from everybody because I didn’t have the support I needed at home (or at school).
Instead, I bottled it all up and it remained within me for many years.
Boyfriends came and went and I pushed them all away because I wasn’t able to trust anybody and when I got to age 40 I fell into a deep depression and was suicidal.
What was wrong with me I thought? Here I am aged 40, childless, drinking too much, a workaholic and deeply unhappy.
Thanks to some amazing friends I somehow lifted the grey cloud I had been under for 6 months.
Still vulnerable, I met a man who took advantage of my vulnerability and over the next 7 years managed to strip the life out of me.
I escaped his clutches eventually and went on a mission to change my life.
This I did and the following years were pivotal in my growth and development and have got me to exactly this point.
Why do I share this story?
Because it is happening to more people than we realise.
Yes I have been bullied at other times by work colleagues and even friends, but unfortunately we are always going to be bullied if we don’t heal from the childhood bullying and recognise what was/is happening to us.
It all begins at awareness and by writing this, probably rather shocking blog post, I hope that it will shine a light on what bullying is and how close to home it actually is.
Maybe together we can do something about it?
In the meantime - there is an explanation below of the different types of bullying and the different places you can get help if you think that you may be a victim of bullying right now or in the past (or know anybody who is).
None of us should have to bury what has happened to us in the past.
I know it can literally ruin a life and can be the cause of the end of a life by suicide.
If it hadn’t been for my good friends, I wouldn’t be here writing this blog post right now.
Take that as a warning for others to take bullying more seriously. Read the research, educate yourself and if you suspect you are or know anybody who is - call it out and do not let it continue.
I am so thankful now for the life I have and look back with sadness at the life I endured until I took control of my destiny.
None of us have to “put up with” being treated badly or spoken to rudely - it needs to be called out.
Lara 💛
What is a bully?
A bully is someone who repeatedly seeks to harm, intimidate, or exert power over others, typically those perceived as vulnerable or weaker.
Bullying can manifest in various forms, from physical aggression to emotional manipulation.
Descriptions of the different types of bullying
Verbal: involves using words to harm or intimidate others (name-calling, insults, threats, or spreading rumours with the intent to hurt someone emotionally.)
Emotional: targets the victim's emotions, self-esteem, and mental well-being. It can involve manipulation, coercion, or psychological abuse, including gaslighting*, aimed at causing distress or emotional harm.
Physical: involves direct physical aggression or harm inflicted upon the victim, (hitting, kicking, pushing, or any other form of physical violence.)
Social / relational: involves manipulating social relationships to harm or isolate the victim, (include spreading rumours, excluding someone from social activities, or damaging someone's reputation.)
Cyberbullying: the use of technology to harass, intimidate, or humiliate others. (through social media platforms, text messages, emails, or other online channels.)
Sexual bullying: involves unwanted sexual comments, advances, or harassment. (also includes spreading rumours or sharing explicit content without consent to embarrass or humiliate the victim.)
*Gaslighting: psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.
(I especially highlight gaslighting as it is sometimes difficult to spot or realise that you are being gaslit. I was gaslit for 7 years which completely destroyed my sense of self. I had to find the person I was again. Nobody deserves that.)
Help Available
